


Then & Now

by Satine86



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Post-Break Up, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 17:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15586743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: In the wake of a jarring break up, both Anne and Phillip have tried their best to move on with their lives. Unfortunately their hearts have not.





	1. Prologue - Anne's Proposal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [one_way_ride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_way_ride/gifts).



> Long-winded A/N: This started out as a prompt fill on tumblr, then it kind of spiraled... as these things are wont to do. So now I'm posting the fills here, in order they take place, but not the order they were written. 
> 
> This is a messy AU (both on my end and theirs), but we'll see how it goes. Since I also recently started a novel. So huzzah, all I do is write words.

“... please marry me?”

Anne almost didn’t hear the words past the blood rushing in her ears, the thundering of her heart that drowned out every other sound. But the intent was clear enough. Flowers and fairy lights, bended knee and velvet box. It was a surprise to say the least, especially since it seemed so early. Too early?

Yet earnest eyes looked up at her, a smile brighter than the sun lighting up his handsome face. 

Around them, there was a chorus of oohs and ahhs from friends and family, everyone in ascendance of the party. If they were as surprised as she was, they didn’t show it. Their joy and excitement overtaking them, until it practically radiated out from them like the glowing warmth of a crackling fire. She knew she was supposed to bask in it, bask in the moment. 

Yet she couldn’t seem to get her voice to work, or her body to move. She felt frozen, like a statue on display with everyone gaping at her, and yet unable to move or speak or breathe. The show of it, the grandeur of everything didn’t suit her. It wasn’t like how she had always pictured it. This wasn’t at all like how she had dreamt of it. 

Still she needed to say something, needed to move. She glanced around at all the happy faces, found shining eyes and enthusiastic nods in response. Eventually Anne found herself nodding too. 

“Yes,” she finally breathed. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” 

The ring was slipped on her finger, a big gaudy thing that seemed to perch on her hand like it didn’t belong. Then she was swallowed up in a warm hug, felt his lips against her ear.

“I love you,” he whispered. Her fiancé. Why did that seem to strange? 

“I love you too,” she whispered back. They broke apart, preparing to be converged upon by their friends and family -- or were they more his than hers? 

Anne looked up into kind brown eyes, wanted desperately to get lost in those eyes and in that moment, but she found all she could think about was _blue._


	2. Chance Meeting - Phillip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original prompt used: “It doesn’t matter. You’ve moved on and I have to be okay with that.”

Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Logically it was only a matter of time, given they still ran in some of the same circles. That knowledge didn’t dull the blow any less.

It felt like a sledgehammer to the chest, hitting with such force he was amazed he didn’t stagger backward as all the air left his lungs. It hurt, a nasty ache settling behind his rib cage, weighing it down and making it a struggle to even breathe.

Unthinking, and more for a distraction than anything else, he guzzled down the drink in his hand. Immediately called for another and did the same with that. It didn’t matter, nothing changed. His chest -- his heart -- still hurt and she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

Across the room he watched as she laughed along with the group she was with -- he recognized a few faces, friends he had known from before, others he did not -- her smile was wide and carefree, lighting up her features until she practically glowed.

She was happy.

That was good, at least.

Then she caught his eye and the world seemed to screech to a halt. Phillip couldn’t think, couldn’t move, all he could do was watch helplessly as she excused herself from the group and made her way toward him. She looked shy, tentative, and it seemed so odd she would be that way with him.

“Hi,” she said when she was near enough.

“Hi,” he returned, still waiting for everything to start up again. For the world to start spinning. He wondered if it was like that for her as well.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be here... um... is this all right?” she asked, and gestured between them then around the room with the glass in her hand. It was an absent gesture, he knew that, one he had seen her do a hundred times before. Still he couldn’t help but bitterly wonder if it had been on purpose, at least somewhat, a chance for the ring on her finger to glint under the lights.

“It doesn’t matter. You’ve moved on,” he nodded toward her hand. “I have to be okay with that.”

She was silent for a moment, an awkwardness settling over them that had never been there before. That hurt almost as much as seeing the ring.

“You look well,” she finally said. He wasn’t sure if she was lying or not.

“So do you.” That wasn’t a lie. It never would be.

Her smile in response was nothing more than a quick flash, something reserved for strangers and polite chitchat at parties. He swallowed thickly at that thought.

“I should be getting back.”

“Of course.” He nodded slowly. “Goodbye, Anne.”

“Goodbye, Phillip.”

He tried to ignore her after that point, but it was difficult, his eyes always seemed to find her, no matter what he did. Eventually he could see her leaving, a handsome man at her side and Phillip tried to force down the jealous anger at the sight. It should have been him. Why wasn’t it him?

After they were gone he made he was way to the bar, ordered a shot and asked the bartender to leave the bottle. There was no point in pretending any more, so that night he would drink until he forgot: forgot her smell, her taste, the way her lips felt against his, how her laughter sounded in his ears. He would forget everything about her, and them, and everything there had been between.

The only problem was that he would never truly forget how much he loved her.


	3. Chance Meeting - Anne

It shouldn’t have been so hard. Anne had been preparing for the moment for so long, always in the back of her mind on the off chance she would see him. But maybe that had been her problem? She had over thought it, made up all these scenarios in her head. Always in control of the flow, the words, the outcome; everything.

Yet in the actual moment she wasn’t in control.

Because she wanted to be angry. She wanted to hold onto those feelings tight in her fist, like she had when she left, and for months and months after that. Only it didn’t matter what she wanted, because the moment she saw him -- alone, and looking oddly out of place -- she just felt sad.

She couldn’t not say something. She felt she had to say something. She... _wanted_ to say something. 

With a quick word to her friends, Anne made her way across the room. Each step felt like a struggle, slowed, as if she were wading through water. When she finally came to a halt in front of him, looked into lost blue eyes, Anne could barely find her voice. Her throat and lungs constricted, as if she were drowning.

Their greeting was strange, stilted, as if they barely knew one another. Like running into an old acquaintance whose name you didn’t remember. Familiarity danced on the tip of Anne’s tongue, made her hands itch, but she couldn’t quite recall how that worked with him. It was probably for the best.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be here… um… is this all right?” Anne lifted her hand, unthinking, and the moment she realized she had done the ring on her finger felt like a rock weighing it down. It shouldn’t be this way. Nothing was as it should be.

She didn’t miss the look that crossed his face, the hurt and sorrow and... resignation that flitted by only to be hidden away, covered by a mask of civility and formality.

His words stung in a way she couldn’t name or place, just a burning sensation inside her chest and behind her eyes. The air felt charged, until the hairs on her arms stood on end like right before a lightning strike. She needed to go. It had been foolish to even come over here; to see him up close, to hear his voice, to let herself miss him even as he was standing right in front of her.

There wasn’t more to do aside from beat a hasty retreat, and so she did. With little fanfare she returned to her friends, and was greeted with a strong, supportive arm around her waist. Her heart fluttered. She loved him. She was happy. Her life was good. So she shoved away the awkwardness and confusion and the memory of vivid blue eyes.

The rest of the night went by without incident, and soon her group was ready to move on. They giddily stumbled outside, and Anne forced herself not to look back. Even if she could feel a pair hauntingly familiar blue eyes burning a hole in her back.

As she slipped out in the cool night air, she knew two things for certain. Neither was a shock, exactly, and she acknowledged them with a grim acceptance.

First, was that she would always love Phillip Carlyle.

Second, was that there were some things -- some people -- you could never go back to.


End file.
